Early Tuesday Morning Babbles of a Quintessential Gemini

Anxious is what I am at the moment. In just a few more days I will have been (f)unemployed for exactly 2 months. I thought I wanted--no, needed--that much time off. To allow myself enough time to thoroughly think about my next move. But around the time I started to lose sleep and all I realized one month really was enough; and that I really could do anything/more than I thought, that I really just had too many life goals and dreams, and that there's really no way to make sure that whatever I decide to do next will make them come true the way and order I would like them to. I just have to get a move on, get out there and make it happen. Make everything I do from now on an investment for my growth and dream chasing. So really, 30 days off was enough. It was more than I could handle, in fact. Right now I just can not wait to start working, to be busy again (as I've said in my last post. I just can not stress this point enough).

There are some things I'm unsure of at the moment. To be honest, I'm scared. I'm at a crossroads. There was one path I wanted to take, but as it seems not to be working out for me again, or for now at least (I choose to have faith. I will get there someday), I am considering taking the other path. It was not my first choice, but it's a good, very promising one, too. It could be pretty exciting, and I have people close by who can vouch for that. It's all about perspective now. I'm just trying to learn as much as I can from this, trying to stay open to the possibilities, to see how I could make things work if I do get it. Guess I understand now what they mean when they say "life is what you make it." But again, I'm scared. Last night I went through some requirements I needed to accomplish for it and thought about just dropping it all. It felt like a lot of work to me. But that's not right, is it? No pain, no gain. It's all a process after all. I still have yet to see how this will work out, if it will. You won't know unless you try. I would not want to be a close-minded snob of a young girl. So, ok, I will give this a shot.

I intentionally littered that last paragraph with cliches because, ironically, one of my biggest fears is to be seen as a shallow, cliche person. Or a ditz. And earlier today I read an essay where the author said he refuses to write about the predictable = cliche, because "(it) does nothing but block us from real thought... to keep you from having to think about anything new... to keep you from having to change." For what it's worth, while I do recognize his point, I do not exactly completely agree with it. It's important to think real, new, thoughts, yes, I see that, but sometimes it helps to read about and think in cliches, too. They are cliches for a reason--a lot of them are true and continue to be proven time and time again. They are based on some universal truths, some bigger ideas. So they do not necessarily "block us from real thought" but, in fact, leads up to them most times. Or maybe that's just me. Haha. Just my two cents' worth.