In Retrospect

2012 was a significant year. As cliche as this sounds, this year was a real roller coaster ride for my family. We experienced the extremes, both the best of times and the worst. Life proved its ironies to us.

It was the year we welcomed Reese Natalie Smith, the newest, and by far the most adorable addition to our family. As the first granddaughter and niece, Reese's arrival was much anticipated. My rollie pollie of a niece was born on May 16th and since then has been just this big round fountain of youth and joy for every single person in the family, as well as for pretty much every friend who's had to listen to us gush and blab nonstop about her. Haha.

But while we gained a family member we unfortunately lost one, too. Dad passed away on October 24th due to a massive heart attack. He was 56, a stroke survivor for 9 years. Today, December 31st, would have been his 10th year. 

I've never told anyone, but I had always feared the day I'd lose one of my parents. And see them in a "box." Couldn't imagine how it would happen and how I/we'd manage while it was happening and what came after. Looking back now, I still can't believe we went through all that this year.   

So much has been said and done since, I don't know what else to say about it now at this point. Just, still, that we miss him most earnestly. He is remembered everyday, in every little thing we do. He was terribly missed at Christmas, and now, personally, I'm still trying to process what and how the new year will be like without him. It's never easy, but we're coping. Because no matter how terribly displacing this has been, it has also reminded us how truly blessed we still are.

I learned so much in 2012. This was the year I made my first "career change," which taught me that there's always something to pick up wherever it is that life takes you. It was the year I opened up to new opportunities and took concrete steps towards one of my biggest dreams in life, where I saw that anything is possible. This year I made new friends, reconnected with the old, and grew closer to a lot of them. This year re-affirmed to me that everything happens for a reason. And that we truly are the sum of our experiences, good and bad - and we only come out of the bad stronger and wiser.

One of the most notable life lessons I've picked up this year would probably be that no amount of planning will ever really prepare you for what's ahead. There's so much uncertainty in life but we soldier on. And sometimes, we learn to look forward to these uncertainties, because with them come the possibilities. Who knows what the new year will bring? Acora imparo, as Michelangelo said. 

This year hasn't been the best, but it has honestly restored my faith in humanity and the universe, my hope that things always work out and fall into place, and my love for friends and family, experience, and the world. 

Cheers to 2013!!!

Wishing you and yours only the best and greater things,

N

Instead of Sheep

I find something profoundly comforting and moving about my dad's 40th day falling on the 2nd day of the month of my favorite season. We miss him everyday, so terribly. Never felt it more strongly than over this past month. I think about him everyday and, in my head, replay my fondest conversations and memories with and of him.

The smallest things remind me of him - like once in the office as I was researching addresses of establishments in Tagaytay for a project, I came across a map of Batangas and remembered his many stories about his childhood in Balayan, and how affectionately he would remember and talk about it. I loved those stories of his. So many emotions welled up inside when I saw the map. I could only do so much to keep myself together and not breakdown in "public." Because how inconvenient would that be. Meanwhile, at home on another day, a weekend thankfully, I just suddenly felt the urge to go through his things. So I opened his closet and his drawers and saw his shoes, his watch, his cologne, notebooks, and stuff. Well, that did it for me. Felt a tad better after I'd let it out - it always does when I do, although I know the feeling of missing him will only get stronger eventually. But we'll cope.

They say the 40th day is when the soul enters heaven. I miss him a lot, but today I take comfort in believing that he's where he's supposed to be now, happy, and free. I just wish he'd show me - through a sign or in my dreams. Prayed for that today, now I wait.   

Last night I was playing classic Christmas tunes as I was waiting to fall asleep. That's one of the things I like most about Christmas, all the beautiful, nostalgic music. Those by Sinatra, Crosby, Cole, and the likes are the best ones. When we were younger, mom would play them very early in the morning so we would wake up, have breakfast, and get ready for school to them. I loved that. It's only one of the many memories and images of Christmas that have really stuck with me and endeared the season to me this much. Christmas is a happy time - the fact that it's spent largely with family and friends makes it all the more so. So although we miss dad a lot, there is still comfort and joy to be found, especially now.     

More recently, I remember talking to dad about this - classic Christmas music. We both liked the Sinatra and Crosby ones and I remember how we would get nostalgic together, talking about it. Now, he's one more reason I like listening to these songs. Keeps him close, and his memory alive.

Here's Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep by Bing Crosby. I'd like to believe that this is dad's own special message for us now. His way of showing us that everything's going to be ok, there's nothing to worry about. 

No it really don't breakeven

I have something to say.

My heart is breaking. I can not believe that tickets to The Script's show on March 31, 2013 are selling out so fast.

It's great that so many people like them and appreciate their music - really great for them! (Bless them for being ever so humble; they may not believe it, but they are big now. So very big now all over the world.) So I know it's not right, but I can't help but feel a bit selfish. Haha. Because this is my favorite band in the whole wide world and I just can't stand the thought of not being able to watch them up close this time. Don't even want to entertain the idea. I mean, I don't know yet for sure.. but I just had really high hopes for this show, all shot down so unexpectedly.

On top of that, the ticket outlet's servers are down, leaving no other way to purchase tickets but online. Well not everyone has a credit card. Suddenly these e-ticketing services don't look so efficient and accessible anymore.

I just find it all so unfair :(

Dear Universe, I hope and pray that by some miracle, by someone's good heart and graces, something good happens. Some nice tickets and seats come up. I don't want to lose hope. I will not.

The End Where I Begin

Over 7 days later, I still don't understand how I feel about it exactly. We miss dad very terribly. Most especially in the mornings, for some reason. Now we're beginning to feel the void left by his passing. It gets real everyday, like mom says.

It's true what they say: when something like this happens, one finds it difficult to even imagine how she could live without the one who's passed. I know there's a reason for what has happened, and so I understand I - all of us - will just have to learn to fully accept it in time. But right now, I just want everything to be ok again already. Because I'm dreading what comes in the next 30 days or so. But I don't want to rush it either, because that wouldn't be right. And I want to remember dad properly.

This is not to say I'm completely inconsolable at the moment, though. Nor my mom, sister, brother, and ate Den, our beloved help, who was very close to dad, too. There are a lot of things and people we have found comfort in. Family (aunts, uncles, and cousins) have been most helpful (needless to say they're going through this with us). Friends are the best, as always. They're our own personal angels on earth, really. I should mention that I, WE, really felt the love -- and still feeling it today. Everyday! It's comforting as well to see and know how truly blessed we still are, no matter how terribly difficult things are at the moment. Music, I must say, as ever, is another very helpful, comforting, and powerful force in my life -- it has helped me through a lot, this particular time included now.

My, there are a lot of songs about loss out there. And artists who've gone through the same, even my most favorite ones -- it's comforting to know we have that in common, and reassuring to see how they've coped. So I know that I will be able to do so, too. Also, it's moving how they remember their loved ones through their songs. Inspiring. Maybe the first song I'll ever write will be about dad.

Songs and Letters - Excuse the Cheese

Bon Iver's first album, from which came the ubiquitous single Skinny Love, is called For Emma, Forever Ago - I guess it can be assumed it had been written for, or inspired at least by the titular character. Adele's whole sophomore album, 21, is about one guy. And yesterday, as I was binge stalking researching the ever adorable Mr. Lightbody of Snow Patrol, I found out that both their Final Straw and Eyes Open albums, 2 consecutive ones, are about one girl as well. The Script, too, have openly spoken about the stories and the people behind their heartbreakingly beautiful records from all 3 albums (the 3rd due to be released in 4 days, I am so psyched!).

What am I saying here? Oh, you know, just that I hope someday, somewhere, somehow someone might be able to write a song for me, too. Or a whole album if they are up for it. (They?! Well until we get there, I can dream. Haha.) Also, it does not need to come out of heartbreak. I hope not. Because, really, would it not be sweeter if it were written out of our pure, incandescent love and happiness. Although a lot of the best records are the sad ones, those of heartbreak and all. At the risk of sounding emo, I have to say I personally have also always thought that there is beauty in sadness. But I hope we do not have to wait for that.    

And I hope to be able to write one for someone, too. And I do, I will. If I had any songwriting chops like any of the above mentioned.. or John Mayer, I believe I would have written a proper collection already by now, albeit for people and places I have not met and been to yet. But I will eventually. When the time and place is right, and with the right people. It will be a golden moment.

Love letters, too. Not to be cheesy, but I would love to receive long, heartfelt, well-thought-out love letters. And I think whoever has the capacity to write songs should be able to write love letters, too. Naturally, I should like to respond with letters of my own. Correspondence :)

Are my standards too high? But is that really too much to ask? Not asking for a book, just a few songs and letters :)

Thank You for Believing in my Weirdness - KP

Official movie poster. Borrowed from Pinterest. 

Ingested a big dose of inspiration, joy, bows, glitters, peacock feathers, and everything nice last night by way of the beautiful Katy Perry. I have marked my calendar and psyched myself up the instant I heard that she was releasing a movie/documentary chronicling her life on tour over a year for her Teenage Dream album. Every day leading to its release I found myself growing only more and more excited to see it, thinking it should inspire me so much and give me just the right kick to get back on the track to my dreams. The thought of it was made all the more promising after the most recent turn of events in my life, career-wise. So no time was wasted. A friend and fellow Katycat, who has a penchant for all things gay and girly, too (and that's why we are such great friends), and I fled to the mall last night to catch Katy Perry: Part of Me in 3D and make our wishes for the night come true. And it was great.

Personally speaking, the movie was everything I expected. It did not disappoint; it inspired me. But probably more notably, I should mention, it was more than my friend expected. On our way out of the cinema, I learned that she had expected the movie to be somewhat "shallow," and generally just one of those movies you watch to have a good time. But she was most pleasantly surprised to find it was nothing like that. 

This one fan featured in the movie said it best, it was like "being hit by an arrow of Katy Perry-ness." Well obviously, right? It is her movie after all. But no, I mean, in her interviews KP has always mentioned how personal this project is for her, and that really does come across to you in the audience. Underneath and beyond all the candy, glitters, lights, the stage, and the songs, this really is about one girl's childhood and teenage dream coming true. And who does not like that, a story of a dream coming true? I have so much respect for Katy, even more after seeing the movie. As much as we all would like to, let's admit, it is a little difficult to stand out in this world - moreso in Katy's part of it! But she does it so easily and so naturally, and it's all her own work, mind you. She is one of the most hands-on people ever, as made evident in and by the movie. Early producers she's worked with tried to make her be more like Avril Lavigne, Kelly Clarkson, etc. But she worked hard and fought all that and now, she is her own woman and artist. And thank you God and Universe because the world is a better place with people and souls like her.

Moreover, Katy deserves all the kudos for not being afraid to show the reality, the bad that comes with the good that is her dream come true. The movie does not skip her painful divorce to Russell Brand, whom she apparently loved more than us commoners will ever know. On a couple of show dates she seemed too depressed to go on stage and push through with the show. I cried, too, at this point in the movie. But she fought that and carried on. Not only is she a fun, creative, hardworking woman, she is damn strong, too!

On a personal note, there were quite a lot of particular facets of Katy Perry's life that I could really relate to. For example, the religious upbringing which involved attending church activities and singing in the children's choir. Years later, regarding her faith and prayer life, Katy comments that she still has a personal relationship with God, and He is a big part of her life. But she may not necessarily believe and practice all the same details that she was taught/grew up with. Ditto, Katy. Also, I think I'm weird too like her. Haha. Hence the title of this post, which is arguably my favorite quote from the movie.

Highly recommend everyone to go see Katy Perry: Part of Me, too. Whether you are a fan or not. In college, I remember, us Communication majors were taught that good stories are made so because they are reflections of certain truths in life. I think Katy can add that achievement to her resume under this title. And if it does not make you feel good, I do not know what will. Haha. Parts of it will make you want to dance!

Games

After months of waiting I am happy to report that I have finally laid hands on my very own copy of The Hunger Games movie on DVD. Fled to the mall immediately after a job interview a couple of days ago to buy it! Never got the chance to see the it in the cinema when it came out, you see. I meant to, but partly because I was not a fan yet at the time, it was not clear to me how much I was going to miss if I just waited for it to come out on DVD. Until I had decided to finally read the books - got completely hooked, devoured all 3 in a month, and became obsessed with it. It was too good. Really an ingenious trilogy. Then I was itching to see the movie. But I loved the books so much I figured no ordinary clear copy was going to cut it for me. No, I had to get myself an official DVD. There are very particular things and materials in this world that I consider worth spending for/investing in and this just happens to be one of those. Haha. And hey, great material like it needs to be supported. Now whether the movie was any good an interpretation of the book was a different story. That I had yet to see, and was really looking forward to it. So, this was around mid-June, I did my research and found out that the DVD was not set to be released until mid-August. Did not think I could wait another 2 months. Just reading the word itself - AUGUST - made me impatient. I nearly caved and settled for a clear copy. But ultimately convinced myself that it was going to be worth the wait. So I did, and I survived the 2 months. Hahaha. There were a lot of other things to get preoccupied with anyway. The couple of months just flew by.

The reason I am going through all this detail is because it all makes the moment I finally got my DVD so much sweeter. This is most probably not the best time to apply this, but I will anyway because it is true and I can really feel it now: nothing worth having comes easy. Also, good things come to those who wait. Haha. You know the satisfaction of finally getting something you have waited for for so long - no matter how small? I do not think it could really be fully explained in words. It's just something you just feel and know when it's there. And it's such a glorious moment.

Anyway, I popped the DVD in as soon as I got home. I will not give a review of the movie anymore as I do not think it would matter at this point, and reviews are not really a strength of mine (yet, maybe..) anyway. But I will say that it was good. I doff my hat to Gary Ross and his crew, and the actors for a job well done bringing the pages of the book and the characters to life. The copy I bought is a 2-disc special, with features and behind the scenes interviews and footage. I saw just how massive this whole project really was - how long such a large team worked on it and how much effort they put into it to make sure everything was perfect, down to the very last detail. Also how Gary Ross made it work for the fans, the target audience and market far better than if someone else had been chosen to direct it. True to the books, he chose to shoot it to show Katniss' POV and her "movement in this world" (as they put it in the interviews), through rough handheld shots, allowing the audience to feel what she feels at any moment in the movie. This, as opposed to very polished, choreographed shots that would have made it all look merely a show. It captured the truth of the story, told through Katniss' POV. Jennifer Lawrence made a great Katniss, and Josh Hutcherson, Peeta. Also, I have to say, they make a handsome couple. As for Gale, well I never really had any particular affection for his character. And in the movie, I found, he really did nothing significant. So. But fellow fans know there's more coming. But yeah, I do not really care that much for Gale's character so I will look forward to the next 2 movies whatever or however they decide to portray him on screen.

The movie as a whole was executed perfectly. I mean, a project of this size and weight could have easily gone astray in the wrong hands. Although for some reason I can not quite put my finger on I felt like it left me hanging a little. Possibly because I have read and finished the books already, my mind was waiting to see the rest happen. But anyway, I am looking forward to Catching Fire, and all its bigger-and-betterness. As it should.

Cheers!

August Rush

Today I decided to stop waiting on some things that most probably have very slim chances of happening in the very near future, and just make the others happen (for the meantime). Better to take little steps, albeit towards a different direction, than none at all. I'm a strong believer in gut and instinct anyway, and I believe my gut is telling me greater things are out there just waiting to happen, if I just put myself out there and open up to whatever happens along the way. So, Universe, here I am! Letting your magic take effect ;)

But let's not waste a perfectly fine although plain and ordinary afternoon on yuppie drama. I say the afternoon is perfectly fine because I'm feeling lucky for a few reasons - most possibly including the aforementioned decision I've made.

And because I am in such a mood, I thought I might share another playlist! Through this, I hope you - whoever you are and wherever you may be - feel as much peace, love, and understanding as I do at the moe.

But first, a disclaimer. You will notice that this playlist contains mostly records from the uber amazing Scottish-Northern Irish band Snow Patrol. I am feeling perfectly awful for having missed their show here earlier this month, you see. I've seen The Script, and hints have been dropped about a possible upcoming Coldplay show (shall our prayers finally be answered?) - so I'm eagerly waiting and saving up for that - but Snow Patrol, another ultimate favorite of mine I missed! Tsk tsk. So I've been listening to them a lot lately, and they have helped me through so much this month. Spirits up! So aside from the big hits like Signal Fire, Run, Chasing Cars, and You Could Be Happy, below I list a few more of my personal favorites from them.      

1. Called Out in the Dark - Snow Patrol

2. If There's a Rocket Tie Me to It - Snow Patrol

3. In the End - Snow Patrol

4. Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol *most feel-good song at the moe. It's so simple yet so "big" if you know what I mean.

5. Every Car You Chase - Snow Patrol/The Police (by Partyben) *A heaven sent mash-up, heard on Adam Sandler's 'Just Go With It.'

6. White Winter Hymnal - Birdy

7. Hall of Fame - The Script *Their first single off album #3. This is brilliant! A new sound/style for them, mega inspiring. And the duet with will.i.am makes it a real badass track! Official music video here.

8. Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding

9. We'll Be Coming Back - Calvin Harris feat. Example

10. Human - The Killers

God bless us and all our dreams. Fellow yuppies, most especially.

xx N

Thank God for Prejudice

Screen grab of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy (Universal Pictures, 2005).

Sweet high holy heavens, could there be a love story/novel any more perfect than Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice? I think not.

I have not actually finished the actual novel - for a young lady like myself found the 19th century words and sentence and paragraph constructions of Miss Jane - the whole of the novel's contents - to have a somewhat daunting nature; rather difficult to understand sometimes. Well, you get me, don't you? But that was then. I reckon the last time I tried to read past the first 2 or 3 chapters I was only probably 15 or 16. I have not given up and my faith remains, I will finish the novel - and possibly this month, at that!

But the movie is magical fantastic SUBLIME. I am talking about the 2005 one directed by Joe Wright starring period-piece princess Keira Knightley and the uber dashing Matthew Macfadyen, for which I am forever grateful. Really, thank you God and Universe for such perfection. Jane Austen herself would have been proud if she saw the movie!  

It's one of my favorite movies of all time. It's quite difficult for me to talk about it because I really can not say any more than it is brilliant and you have to watch it to see and feel it for yourself, but in reality I could go on and on about it. I will talk you down into watching it, I tell you. (And later to read it too, when I've done so myself.)

If you are anything like me at all - a big sucker for romantic novels and movies, and classic stories - then I promise this movie will be one of the best 90 minutes of your life.

I only wish there had been another novel, and therefore another movie - a sequel - about the life of Mr. Darcy and Lizzy after they'd married.

The modern world needs more Mr. Darcy's and Lizzy Bennet's. Really.

In an Unexpected Turn of Events

Yesterday I went to apply for this job that pretty much my whole family had been pushing me to try out. Said job was never really my first choice but after much ballyhoo from everyone around me, I started to see the good in it and all the possibilities it could open up for me. It was, I had decided, a good means to an end. So I did what I had to do, filled out the forms, fixed my requirements, and prepared for application day. 

Little by little, as it drew nearer, I grew more excited about the job and convinced that it was the right thing to do, that it was the best step to take to get on the right path to my dreams. As cheesy as that may sound haha. So come yesterday, I put my best foot forward and went for it.  

It was a long application process, where panel after panel would go through your credentials and asses your potential. Modestly speaking I think everyone (family and friends who knew about it), myself included, was confident that I would qualify and get in. I was not too nervous about the whole thing, either, to be honest. Because I am a geek who enjoys interviews and relating with people, and I find that I thrive when I speak and converse. But as life would have it, I was turned down early along the way. Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's ok and everything's going right. It was a big blow to my family who had been in the same industry since time immemorial. I know this because of a similar experience years ago. Needless to say I was also rather disappointed. Just when I had finally warmed up to the prospect (and semi-planned my next move/s in the next 2 or 3 years based on it), it all went the other way. And I did not even get the chance to actually speak in the process! That's just too bad. It's probably the one thing that really annoys me about it. So, for the record, it all seemed so promising and for a moment, yes, I wanted so bad to get accepted. But please just let it be known that I would rather work where people would actually take time to hear my ideas and opinions. 

I am not bitter. Just expressing what I think and how I feel about it.

Naturally, my family would like me to try again, maybe for a different company but for the same opportunity. They do not want--can not--to let it go without doing something about it. And that's understandable. But we can not say I did not try. At least I got an answer for one of my many questions, that's one good thing that came out of it. I am less confused now, and I believe it's best to move on with my other options. Life has a funny way of helping you out.

I am hopeful and optimistic, too, for all my fellow applicants who did not get accepted either yesterday. One option down, we are all closer to where we are meant to be. Good luck to us!

Fingers crossed and hoping for the best, onward we march!

x N

Early Tuesday Morning Babbles of a Quintessential Gemini

Anxious is what I am at the moment. In just a few more days I will have been (f)unemployed for exactly 2 months. I thought I wanted--no, needed--that much time off. To allow myself enough time to thoroughly think about my next move. But around the time I started to lose sleep and all I realized one month really was enough; and that I really could do anything/more than I thought, that I really just had too many life goals and dreams, and that there's really no way to make sure that whatever I decide to do next will make them come true the way and order I would like them to. I just have to get a move on, get out there and make it happen. Make everything I do from now on an investment for my growth and dream chasing. So really, 30 days off was enough. It was more than I could handle, in fact. Right now I just can not wait to start working, to be busy again (as I've said in my last post. I just can not stress this point enough).

There are some things I'm unsure of at the moment. To be honest, I'm scared. I'm at a crossroads. There was one path I wanted to take, but as it seems not to be working out for me again, or for now at least (I choose to have faith. I will get there someday), I am considering taking the other path. It was not my first choice, but it's a good, very promising one, too. It could be pretty exciting, and I have people close by who can vouch for that. It's all about perspective now. I'm just trying to learn as much as I can from this, trying to stay open to the possibilities, to see how I could make things work if I do get it. Guess I understand now what they mean when they say "life is what you make it." But again, I'm scared. Last night I went through some requirements I needed to accomplish for it and thought about just dropping it all. It felt like a lot of work to me. But that's not right, is it? No pain, no gain. It's all a process after all. I still have yet to see how this will work out, if it will. You won't know unless you try. I would not want to be a close-minded snob of a young girl. So, ok, I will give this a shot.

I intentionally littered that last paragraph with cliches because, ironically, one of my biggest fears is to be seen as a shallow, cliche person. Or a ditz. And earlier today I read an essay where the author said he refuses to write about the predictable = cliche, because "(it) does nothing but block us from real thought... to keep you from having to think about anything new... to keep you from having to change." For what it's worth, while I do recognize his point, I do not exactly completely agree with it. It's important to think real, new, thoughts, yes, I see that, but sometimes it helps to read about and think in cliches, too. They are cliches for a reason--a lot of them are true and continue to be proven time and time again. They are based on some universal truths, some bigger ideas. So they do not necessarily "block us from real thought" but, in fact, leads up to them most times. Or maybe that's just me. Haha. Just my two cents' worth.

I Feel My Heart Start Beating to my Favorite Song: The Script's Hall of Fame

Screen grab of Danny from a teaser for #3. 

Heard a bit of Hall of Fame, The Script's new single from their next album (#3) earlier today. It was a very short clip, just about a couple of seconds long, but it sounded so great! Intense melodies.. and I'm sure the lyrics are outstanding (again) as well. True to their style, as manifested in their first two albums.

My brother said he thinks the record's going to be a little more "hip-hop" or rhythm and blues. Well seeing as Hall of Fame does feature will.i.am, and judging by some of their earlier records like We Cry, it won't come as a surprise anymore if this record does turn out to be like that. But I don't mind! The Script has always blended (piano) rock and RnB so well, making a "genre" that's unique to them. And that's just one of the many things about them--they've always been so candid about their opinion on genres and about Boyz II Men being one of their favorites and biggest influences, besides U2 and The Police--that has made me fall hard for them and their music. Can't wait to hear it on Monday!!! 3:30 PM Manila time on any of the stations listed here (most of them should have live streaming).

Snooze and Music

It feels so great to be able to sleep a good 7 hours and wake up bright, albeit rainy, and early the next day. In spite of the rain, which I am finding rather comforting despite the intensity, I am looking forward to the day ahead. I am a right proper night owl, you see--but over the last couple of weeks I have crossed the fine line between night owl and zombie! I've always had an irregular sleeping pattern, regulated only by work and a proper schedule to follow. Without anything official really at the moment to keep me busy, my insomnia returned and took a turn for the worse. Most days I would stay up at night and, to try to make up for it, sleep the whole day. On other days in between I wouldn't be able to sleep at all. It was getting pretty exhausting already, not to mention unhealthy! I was doing 'nothing' yet I felt tired all the time. My insomnia this time was induced by several different factors. One, most definitely, was the pressure to find the 'right' job. And the anxiety that comes with thinking about and sifting through the options. Another was boredom. I'm really looking forward to working and getting busy again. But they do say patience is a virtue.. and good things come to those who wait. So I decided this time to really hear what everyone has been advising me to do--the very logical 'stop worrying and trust that everything will work out.' Because I did my part already after all. Now's a good time to be optimistic.

So with a little help from a mild sleep aid and some sleepy time tea, I tucked into bed early last night and so willingly drifted off. Today I feel refreshed.. and got pretty excited when I saw The Script's announcement that their first single Hall of Fame from their upcoming album, #3, will be played on British radio stations on Monday the 23rd. I'm too big a fan to wait for the single to reach Philippine airwaves. Thank God most radio stations today live stream their programs. If you are reading this and would like to hear the single sooner, too, catch it on Monday, July 23, 3:30 PM live streamed on any of the radio stations listed here. (I could really just be a publicist hahaha I think I'd do the job well!)

x N

Home Life

This much time at home has brought out, yet again, the philosopher in me. I always tend to think and reflect too much during me time. Sometimes it's good, essential, cathartic even. Enlightening. But other times it gets tiring. Like why do I have to think so much about these things and not just get a move on! So in and through this entry I shall not "philosophize" more.. and just share about some things I've been up to most lately.

I turned 21 a little over a week ago. My birthday landed on a Thursday, everyone was at work or in school and had to go again the next day, so I just treated the family to some pizza, pasta, and half-baked potato halves. We had cake and mi abuelo got us Magnum ice cream--which my brother and I found really cute and sweet. You know what they say, it's the little things that count. Now I am not complaining.. I love spending time with the family! But I'll admit I had felt a little disappointed and bored and wished my 21st birthday celebration would have been more "special." So I had thought of inviting a few friends over for some drinks on the weekend, like we do every year. Ironically, though, come Saturday I was not really up to it anymore. But I met and caught up with friends from High School whom I have not seen in so long! It was a good night. We talked and had a lot of laughs. Then I met my brother and his love to watch Rock of Ages--which was great, by the way! Would it be weird if I said I kind of found Tom Cruise "hot" as Stacee Jaxx? Ha. I really do have a thing for rockstars. Haha. But really, the movie was great! Any big fan of music(als) would enjoy it. After the weekend I got a (shall we say) significant birthday present. I will blog about it when I can. So all's good. My birthday Thursday might have been ordinary, a little too ordinary for my liking, but hey I'm growing up and experiencing new things. That sounds pretty exciting!

My brother and I have had a lot of time to bond. I've found that there's a myriad of things we can have (sensible) talks about. We are really brother and sister. Our appreciation for John Mayer is at its peak! Together and separately, we listen to nothing/no one else. I speak for both him and myself when I say, we do not care if he is or was a "douche" as most people say. The man's a genius. (read: appreciation for John Mayer at its peak!) His music is great--first and foremost it sounds good, it's sensible and relatable (personal growth and musings on life, love, etc. are reflected in his songs). And he's learning and growing up anyway. He said so in his most recent interviews for hist latest studio album Born and Raised. 

His song Home Life from the album Heavier Things is one of my current favorites. Hence, the title of this post. (I think I'm gonna stay home, have myself a home life. I feel you, John!) I think he and I would get along if we ever met. He enjoys staying home and "philosophizes" on all these things and has all these ideas. Heck, if only I had songwriting chops, too.. I would have written a whole EP after all this time I've spent at home, thinking. Haha.

I've finished the Hunger Games trilogy. Quite a few friends have warned that the third book was a little dragging, but I personally did not find it disappointing at all. It was not as action-packed as the first two, but it was good, too. Those books have increased my momentum for reading. It was a tad difficult for me to find another book to read and enjoy after The Hunger Games. A friend suggested The Fault in our Stars by John Green. I finished it in about a week. It did not have the same effect on me as The Hunger Games, but I generally enjoyed it. I feel "content" about it. Now I'm on Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger. I'm finding the first few chapters a little dragging. But the book got great reviews so I'm assuming it gets better.

And lastly, I'm starting to send out my resume to potential employers. I've sent copies to a couple of companies I'm really interested in already. I am actually looking forward to going on interviews again. My fingers and toes are crosses it all goes well.

Cheers!

N

Like it was Yesterday

It was a little.. surprising to see someone else had taken the username techNicoler on twitter (when I accidentally checked the address a couple of days back). Once upon a time, I was techNicoler. And this totally happened.

On June 12, 2011, exactly a year ago today, and 48 hours before my 20th birthday, my favorite band in the world followed me back on twitter. They were the first (and so far the only) twitter-verified band/celebrity to follow me back. And I just love them so much. And they followed me back just in time for my birthday. (I didn't even ask them to..) It was crazy! I saw the notification in my email and couldn't believe it. I mean, how else would you feel, right, if this person/these people you looked up to so much--but seemed so high up there, so distant--cared enough to see/hear whatever you have to say. Such an honor. I just fell in love with them even more after this. They are the absolute best. Friends understand my love for The Script very well. Hahaha

21 Songs

Just a few more days before turning another year older, I find myself thinking about things I want to change and  happen in the next year. I have a lot of resolutions--like learn to play the guitar, originally a new year's resolution that I never really got to work on. As for the others, I won't go into detail anymore. Some are really kind of vague anyway. Only I understand them. Haha.

I've also come up with a playlist! Like I've always done for every occasion or event in my life that I find significant. And like I've always done, putting together all the songs I can't get enough of at a given point in time.  This I will share! The 21 songs I enjoy the most, those that really speak to (almost) 21 year old me:

1. Forever Young - Youth Group / but I've learned to love One Direction's cover

Youth is like diamonds in the sun. Diamonds are forever. // So many adventures couldn't happen today. So many songs we forgot to play. So many dreams swinging out of the blue. We let them come true.  

2. Dakota - Stereophonics

Drinking back, drinking for two. Drinking with you. When drinking was new 

3. Titanium - David Guetta feat. Sia / Sophie Griffin on The Voice UK

Fire away, fire away. You shoot me down, but I won't fall.

4. Higher Love - Tyler James on The Voice UK (originally by Steve Winwood)

Think about it, there must be a higher love. Down in the stars or written in the stars above. Without it, life is wasted time.

5. Every Teardrop is a Waterfall - Coldplay

 I turn the music up, I got my records on. I shut the world outside until the lights come on. Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone. I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song.

6. Don't Let it Break Your Heart - Coldplay

When you're tired of waiting so you just find that you never had to stop. Come on baby, don't let it break your heart.

7. The Age of Worry - John Mayer

Alive in the age of worry, rage in the age of worry. Sing out in the age of worry, and say worry, why should I care? 

8. Home Life - John Mayer

I think I'm gonna stay home, have myself a home life.

9. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer

I was the one you always dreamed of. You were the one I tried to draw.

10. Good Love is on the Way - John Mayer Trio

I know I'll be ok. Good love is on the way.

11. U.N.I - Ed Sheeran

Everything's great but everything's short.

12. Lego House - Ed Sheeran

Out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now. 

13. Abracadabra - Jessie J

You got my heart on lock, it's so unreal you know.

14. Domino - Jessie J

Make this dream the best I've ever known.

15. Science & Faith - The Script (my feel good, pick-me-up song any given day)

We're just trying to find some meaning in the things that we believe in.. // You can break everything down to chemicals, but you can't explain a love like ours.

16. Long Gone and Moved On - The Script

From this moment on, I'm changing the way I feel.

17. You Set Me Free - Michelle Branch

I wanted to fly so you gave me your wings.

18. Believe Me - Ellie Goulding

I can't stop this music traveling 'round with me wherever I go. // The world dances to the rhythm of its own heart beating for you.

19. This is Love - will.i.am feat. Eva Simons

Hell yeah!

21. You Found Me - The Fray

Just a little late, you found me.

22. Send It Up - Vertical Horizon

I'm alright, by the way. Everyone saves the day.

Infatuated

This little time off has given me a lot of time to think. And read. In a span of about two weeks I had finished The Hunger Games book--which I had started a while back but had to put aside for a bit, breezed through Catching Fire, and gone through half of Mockingjay. I thoroughly enjoyed the first two books. And as for the third one, I have yet to find out what happens to Peeta and Katniss--whether they do end up together/Katniss decides she loves Peeta more than Gale--and how it closes the whole story, to decide whether I enjoyed it as much as the first two. I am a sucker for love stories like that. Ha! But I am also a rather loyal "fan," which makes me say, based on what I've read of it so far, that it is not disappointing. I am usually late with these things. So while the rest of the world has moved on from all the hype, my love for the books, characters, the brand as a whole, is only just reaching its peak. I am also still just itching to see The Hunger Games film. It is unfortunate that I was not able to catch it in cinemas and it has not come out on DVD yet.

This time off has also given me the privilege to follow the events of Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee celebration. It was a good time for an anglophile like myself, watching the Thames Pageant on television right as it was happening, and reading about and seeing photos from the concerts and other events that took place during the Jubilee weekend. That plus The Voice UK finals--my most recent favorite show--has only enhanced my admiration for the United Kingdom and the royal family. And my drive to sing again.

I wanted to take this time off to give myself a chance to think thoroughly about where I want to go and what I want to do next. But how long a break is considered healthy? and how long is just plain lazy? The last thing I want is to let any possible opportunities slip because I took so long deciding.

It's not as simple as I thought it would be, figuring out my next step. I thought I would know as soon as I finished my previous responsibilities. It will take just a little more time, I guess. But what I've had of this time off so far has not been completely futile. I was surprised in a good way by how much self-discovery I was able to accomplish during this time. Those bits about The Hunger Games, the Diamond Jubilee, and The Voice UK were mentioned for a reason. In one way or another, they each have contributed to my self-discovery and have given me a chance to work from that and grow through the examples set by their heroines.

Katniss Everdeen, Queen Elizabeth II, Catherine Middleton, and the coaches and all the artists of The Voice UK season 1 have taught and encouraged me to be braver, to work harder, to be more independent and aggressive (in a good way). I realized that I have not handled some things as best as I could, or done my best in some tasks, and gave up on some things too easily. I will personally say (admit) that I have been mediocre. But I don't want to be that anymore. I'm learning from my experiences, picking up a lot of really valuable lessons and applying them in my next endeavors. Also, I wish to be like the heroines. Like Katniss, who never gives up and does what she knows is right, and does not let her emotions get the best of her. Like Queen Elizabeth, who  for years has kept a level head, carried on despite controversies, and has adapted to changing times. Like Catherine Middleton, who takes everything--all the new, big responsibilities and protocol--in her stride, and stays classy, poised, not to mention happy, while doing so. Like the coaches of The Voice UK who work hard not only for themselves but for the people around them, and believe in the skills and talents of their artists enough to hone them. And the artists, who continually rise above any setbacks and muster the confidence to get out there and share themselves to the world, so now they face a brighter future with the promise of the fulfillment of their dreams.

I wish to be like all of them.

The other day I read this great piece on Thought Catalog called I Need an Infatuation. There the author wrote,

I would be happy with just being in love with a good book, an opera, a philosophy I overheard in another conversation and turn around in my head until it settles like a fine dust over everything I believe.

I want the infatuation of learning something new, of discovering something about myself, the thrill of small joys that don't cost anything and don't require anyone else's presence. I want to be infatuated with myself, to feel like I am enough, and I so rarely do.  

I want that falling feeling, that obsessive interest with all that's around me, with all that I'm capable of.

When I read it, I thought it hit so close to home. I did not know it at the time but after processing it all I think I can say I found my (new) infatuation. And it feels good.. It makes me want to be better in general.

I wish you the same.

Cheerio!

PS
It feels even better to know that the feeling (infatuation) does not have to go away, because like the author said too,

We live in a world with a million and one things to fall in love with, to enjoy, to be totally taken with..

PPS
I know this can sound so cliche. But I really feel like this is such a huge step for me in my personal growth and goals.

of youth and music

Last night I saw Vertical Horizon and Ed Kowalczyk play live. I was with my big brother, and I had an amazing time. I wasn’t exactly familiar with Eddie K, but I thoroughly enjoyed his set, too. Nothing gets me like seeing a good band or artist play live—those that I really, truly like. Nothing feels better than hearing your favorite songs live, and singing along to them at the top of your lungs. My heart soars in these moments. It’s like all stars have suddenly aligned and nothing can go wrong. It feels good to know that destiny, fate willed you to be there to experience all the greatness. The right place at the right time.

In 2011, I saw 2 of my favorite bands within two weeks—14 days exactly. And I was playing music and doing little spiels on the radio. It was my summer of love. This year, since January I’ve seen 3 of my favorites play live, and I’m looking forward to seeing a lot more in the coming months. Although the year so far has generally not exactly been going as I had planned, these bands—music—gives me hope. I feel most like myself whenever I go to these concerts. It’s always like, and I quote Mr. Stephen Chbosky, “in that moment, I swear we were infinite." It’s fuel for my soul. A breath of fresh air in my everyday routine.

Big brother and I had a few drinks after last night’s concert. And we just talked..about the band, the other bands, the songs, the lyrics. And life, and making mistakes, and growing up. And friends, family, and tattoos. And in that moment, life was good. It was a good Saturday night. I look forward to looking back on these days; to remembering my youth like this: a good time, spent with and according to good music that you could dance to or listen to and doing nothing else. And good conversations with the people that matter.

LIVE

If you know me you know I am a big music geek. And I'm such a sucker for live performances, and rockstars going wild and just pouring their hearts out on stage. Nothing makes me giddy and blush any faster than seeing Danny O'Donoghue, in his blazer or leather jacket, play his keyboard, dance on stage and sing every lyric like a boss. Or Chris Carrabba and Jon Foreman jumping, headbanging and almost screaming out the most climactic parts of their songs. And John Mayer plucking and strumming his guitar so suavely and looking like he's going to cry while he sings. In the same way, I admire artists like Adele and Christina Aguilera who seem to always be so pitch-and-groove-perfect on stage. There's really something about hearing live versions of your favorite songs. It's a completely different experience. They seem larger than life, don't you think? For this reason, I thought I'd share my own favorites. Some of the most goosebump-inducing, tear-jerking performances I've heard or seen. Expect a lot of posts about them in the next weeks, months, and most probably throughout the year (as I will blab about them haha). For now..

The Script, Before the Worst, Live at the Aviva Stadium (2011) - My personal favorite track on their Homecoming DVD (well, one of the many haha). There's no video of this available on youtube yet, but watch it if you get the chance. 

John Mayer, Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, Where the Light Is, Live at the Nokia Theatre (2007)

U2, With or Without You, Live in Boston (2001)

Let me know your favorites!

xx Nikki